I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My feet surprised me
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