DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
last night I used snow as a chaser
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
