Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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