my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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