how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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