I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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