would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
