I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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