So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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