I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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