Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
