I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
