let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
