so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
