He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
