Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
