i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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