why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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