I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
