the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
