Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
