u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
