good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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