Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
