And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
