I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
how drunk are you?
Several
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
