Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
