You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
