This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
