I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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