like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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