She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
