i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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