i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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