I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
