quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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