The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
