We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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