This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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