we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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