Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
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