Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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