Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
