And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
