you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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