You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
