we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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