i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
