Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
