im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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