we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
