Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
