Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
