you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you had me at cake vodka
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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