Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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