This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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