He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
