So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
