she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
