Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Couch. On fire.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
