I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
