Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
