my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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