I'm lost and stupid without you.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
