Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
