dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
