A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
