Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
