We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
