i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
