I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
