If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
