I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
All I want is dick and wine.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
