All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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