The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
