i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
