She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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