I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
