I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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