I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize