I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
