What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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