I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
