I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
