The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
