You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
