In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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