its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
