Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
