Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
