I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
