you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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