Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I woke up under a house in Key West
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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