did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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