And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
