I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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