Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
