My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
