i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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