toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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