Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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