I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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